i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
