went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
