whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
