The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You pole danced in your parka.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
