I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
