$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
smell my finger.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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