Someone shit on the floor
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
