It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
