Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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