You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Welp...herpes.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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