I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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