He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
