She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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