Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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