I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
