just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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