He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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