after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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