I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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