i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
