shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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