matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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