I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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