His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
