Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
it's like iHOP with fire
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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