I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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