I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
