How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
