that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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