Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
