So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
