Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
