Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
