I can text with my tongue
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
