It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
