my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
