I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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