Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
