I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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