So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
