He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Randomize
