new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
