what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
