Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
