I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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