i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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