Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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