We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
