Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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