i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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