So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize