dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
