I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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