no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
