I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
