By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
