Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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