Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
