"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
