I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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