if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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