If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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